31 Dis 2014

Way Back Into Love

Disember 31, 2014 2 Comments
Today, is the last day of 2014. A year of struggle, pain, hard work, sweat and tears. Hoping 2015 will bring tons of happy memories. For me, for you and for every human being. Semoga kita sentiasa dalam lindungan rahmatNYA.
Assalamualaikum.

P/S : And one more thing for me, I'm finding a way back into love. :)

* * * * *

Artist Name: Hugh Grant
Album Name: 
Song Name: Way Back Into Love


[verse 1]
(drew barrymore)
i've been living with a shadow overhead,
i've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed,
i've been lonely for so long,
trapped in the past,
i just can't seem to move on!

(hugh grant)
i've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away,
just in case i ever need them again someday,
i've been setting aside time,
to clear a little space in the corners of my mind!

[chorus]
(both)
all i want to do is find a way back into love.
i can't make it through without a way back into love.
oooooh.

[verse 2]
(drew barrymore)
i've been watching but the stars refuse to shine,
i've been searching but i just don't see the signs,
i know that it's out there,
there's got to be something for my soul somewhere!

(hugh grant)
i've been looking for someone to shed some light,
not somebody just to get me through the night,
i could use some direction,
and i'm open to your suggestions.

[chorus]
(both)
all i want to do is find a way back into love.
i can't make it through without a way back into love.
and if i open my heart again,
i guess i'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end!

[middle-eight]
(drew barrymore)
there are moments when i don't know if it's real
or if anybody feels the way i feel
i need inspiration
not just another negotiation

[chorus]
(both)
all i want to do is find a way back into love,
i can't make it through without a way back into love,
and if i open my heart to you,
i'm hoping you'll show me what to do,
and if you help me to start again,
you know that i'll be there for you in the end!
Read more at http://www.songlyrics.com/hugh-grant/way-back-into-love-lyrics/#vbtscDO3VouohxFU.99



25 Dis 2014

19 Dis 2014

The End

Disember 19, 2014 0 Comments

I feel like it is time to end the old chapter and close the book. I'm ready to write the first word for the new chapter in my new book. I want to be happy too. I want to be appreciated too. Lets go and find my true happiness. The one that last for a long long long time.

Happiness.

Good night. Assalamualaikum.


Feeling Hopeful

Disember 19, 2014 2 Comments
Assalamualaikum.

It's nearly 2 in the morning. Can't really sleep by the way. My mind is flooded with so much thought and worries. At the same time, I'm kind of feeling excited about this.

Yesterday evening, Tuesday evening, I received a call that I've been waiting since last November. A job that I've always dream of. Basically, still in the medical field though. Well, even though it was just a call arranged for an interview, but somehow I'm feeling hopeful. 


Going through the darkest and narrowest route in my life, problems keep knocking on my door ever since I made "that" decision 10 months ago. I drag everybody down into my problematic life, especially those near me, family and best friends. I always feel ashamed, the burden is too heavy that there are times that I thought I cannot go on anymore. But, there is always light at the end of the tunnel. I'm going to prepare myself for next week as if I'm preparing for a war. I must grab this once in a lifetime chance. 


During this tough times, I do have the thought that I've wasting my time all this while. But when I think back, it is true what people said, what we have gone through, what we experienced, are truly precious. It makes us who we are, and who we will become in the future. So never regret of the decision that we made, the time will come when it will be right. You'll tell yourself, this is the time.

And I hope, that this is my time. My calling.
:)


And for the people out there who are struggling at the moment, just squeeze through, the time for you will come eventually. Remember that Allah knows best.

Good night. Assalamualaikum.


P/S : It's been a while since last I spotted a regular reader here in my home. For the regular reader from Saudi Arabia, happy reading. And thank you for visiting Cahaya Yang Riang Gembira.
:)

18 Dis 2014

More Than Words

Disember 18, 2014 2 Comments
Assalamualaikum.

Thinking of sharing something meaningful. A friend sent me this few quotes she took from Google. She told me there is no need to feel broken hearted, guilty, anxious for what I did. She simply told me to forget and looking forward for the next best things in life. She said something that I know does make sense.

She told me, don't fall for words, fall for actions. Yeah, I guess I'm easily fall for words when the reality there is nothing to back those words up. I really need to grow up. No more naive. Haha.

Assalamualaikum.





15 Dis 2014

Childhood Of Farhana

Disember 15, 2014 0 Comments
Assalamualaikum.

Salam Ahad. Hmm. Ahad yang mendamaikan, cuaca pun sangat menggalakkan mata untuk tidur. Sebenarnya tengah layan filem animasi Tarzan dekat TV tadi. Filem animasi keluaran 1999 itu serta merta buatkan aku teringat zaman kecil-kecil muda belia dulu. Rasanya ketika filem itu ditayangkan, umur aku 12 tahun. Dan abah beli VCD filem Tarzan untuk tontonan anak-anak dia.

Filem Tarzan antara filem yang banyak kali kami ulang tayang dekat komputer. Pasang dekat komputer, lepas itu semua adik beradik akan bergolek baring depan monitor. Tak puas tengok movie dia, sambung pula game dia. Hehe. Zaman kanak-kanak aku zaman yang paling aku kenang. Aku membesar di Miri, Sarawak. Sejak dari usia 4 tahun, kami sekeluarga berpindah dari Kota Tinggi ke Miri sebab abah dapat tawaran mengajar di Institut Perguruan Sarawak. Sampailah usia aku 14 ke 15 tahun barulah kami pulang semula ke Semenanjung.

Zaman itu zaman yang aku paling aku kenang sebab waktu itu aku paling ramai kawan. Sebab duduk dekat sana 11 tahun lamanya, jadi aku punya banyak masa nak kenal orang, rapat dengan mereka. Bila dah pindah ke Semenanjung, mulalah zaman kesunyian aku, kawan pun tak ramai sebab asyik pindah randah. Tak sempat nak kenal rapat.  Cuma di universiti saja peluang itu datang sekali lagi.

Aku pernah simpan angan-angan, aku nak pulang semula ke Sarawak, dan duduk di sana macam dulu-dulu. Mak pun teruja sebenarnya kalau dapat balik Sarawak sebab kawan dia pun ramai di sana, yang sama-sama belajar buat kek, memasak. Sampaikan aku pernah berkira-kira nak buat housemanship dekat Sarawak dulu. Hidup di Miri terlalu banyak kenangan manis.

Dulu masa kecil-kecil, mak abah selalu bawa kami adik beradik jalan-jalan dekat Taman Bulatan Miri. Walaupun agak jauh sikit dari rumah, tapi itu macam dah jadi satu rutin. Paling tidak pun abah akan bawa kami ke taman di maktab. Dekat sanalah aku "kawan baik" dengan monyet, buaya, labi-labi. Setiap kali mesti beri makan haiwan-haiwan yang ada di situ. Setiap kali habis belajar mengaji di maktab, mesti akan lari ke taman dan duduk dalam gelung-gelung, tidur. Banyak kenangan kami sekeluarga dekat situ.

Dan bila tiba hujung minggu, mak akan bawa satu plastik penuh duit syiling dan kami sekeluarga akan ke public phone dekat kawasan Tanjong Lobang. Walaupun dekat rumah ada landline, tapi mak cakap lagi jimat kalau guna telefon awam. Mak akan telefon nenek di Johor, bergayut sampai satu jam selalunya. Aku, adik dan abah akan duduk dalam kereta menunggu. Kalau bosan, aku akan ajak adik aku kait buah mangga dekat pokok tepi jalan. Sambil menunggu sambil tengok kereta lalu lalang. Hmm. Banyak kenangan manis masa aku kecil sebenarnya. Tapi bila dah besar, rasa macam tak ada apa sangat kenangan manis yang aku cipta kalau nak dibandingkan masa kecil.

Dan dulu masa kecil, sebulan sekali atau dua bulan sekali, bila dapat gaji abah akan bawa kami sekeluarga makan KFC dekat dengan Pasar Ikan Miri. Sebab itu aku memang sangat gilakan KFC. Haha. Oh memori. I love my family very much. And I hope I'll be given the chance to make my parents and siblings happy. Praying that they will always be in the pink of health.

Salam hujung minggu. Selamat memulakan hari kerja anda dengan semangat baru. Take care. Assalamualaikum.











13 Dis 2014

Friday Of A Farhana Bersama Japanese Cream Puff

Disember 13, 2014 0 Comments
Assalamualaikum.

Jumaat dah. Bulan Disember pun dah nak 12 hari berlalu, 19 hari lagi nak jejak 2015. Harap tahun baru, dengan azam baru, moga keadaan hidup lebih bertambah baik. Kalau memang dah tertulis oleh DIA, dunia aku adalah dengan memulakan semula housemanship, mungkin 2015 adalah jawapannya. Moga ditunjukkan jalan yang terbaik hendaknya.

Hari ini memang tak rancang pun sebenarnya untuk ke Seremban mengambil adik aku yang belajar di Nilai, tapi lantas teringatkan sesuatu, terus aku cakap dengan mak aku nak ikut sekali. Melaka, dah macam KL, sentiasa sesak terutama sekali Jumaat, Sabtu dan Ahad. Makin maju makin sesak. 

Bertolak pukul 2, tapi nak sampai Tol Ayer Keroh makan masa sampai nak dekat satu jam. Rupanya ada kemalangan, sampai terbalik Toyota Vios. Tiang lampu pun sampai patah dua. Pertama kali aku tengok kemalangan, kereta terbalik dekat jalan bandar, selalunya dekat highway. Harapnya pemandu okaylah.


Lalu kawasan kemalangan tadi, terus teringatkan seseorang yang bekerja di kawasan itu, Vet department is near there somewhere. Well, you do take care. Semoga setiap hari pergi dan pulang kerja dengan selamat.

Sempat juga singgah Mydin MITC. Kawasan Ayer Keroh aku memang jarang datang tinjau, kecuali kalau nak keluar dari Melaka. Hehe. Rupanya ada macam-macam dekat situ. Burger Byte dengan gambar Zizan terpampang sebesar alam. Orang pun ramai. Kedai kain pun berlambak. Memang betul-betul kota fesyen.

Dan di bawah inilah sebenarnya sebab aku nak turun Seremban. Japanese Cream Puff. Aku beli 12 biji dari seorang adik blogger yang aku kenal sejak dari 2009 lagi. Sebab tengok ramai beli, plus rupa yang mengancam, aku pun orderlah. Bila makan, perghhh!!! Memang ternyata sedap. Balik rumah, sumbat dalam peti sejuk. Lagi lagi lagi sedap. Manis dia sedang elok. Harga pun aku rasa murah kot memandangkan proses nak buat dia macam leceh. Confirm akan repeat order lepas ini. Ten thumbs up! Boleh buka bakery dah adik ini. Sesiapa yang dekat area Seremban, nak makan Japanese Cream Puff, bolehlah Whats App adik ini, nama dia Farah.



And that is my Friday. Hmm. A plain day, I know. Haha. Tadi baca dekat newsfeed, Putrajaya ada Festival Lampu sampai hari Ahad. Teringinnya nak pergi jalan-jalan tengok lampu. Tapi orang yang tanam anggur tak mampu lagi nak jalan-jalan sekarang. Tak macam dulu-dulu. Haha. Keadaan hidup banyak beri pengajaran sebenarnya. Pray for better future. InsyaALLAH.

Till here. Have a great weekend people. Enjoy your holiday. Take care. Assalamualaikum.


11 Dis 2014

Without You

Disember 11, 2014 0 Comments
Assalamualaikum.

Petang. Cuaca tak berapa nak cun, nampak gaya macam nak hujan. Harapnya tidaklah hujan di petang hari, biar malam turunnya tak mengapa. Biar malam hari tidur lagi lena. Nak menulis pun malas sebenarnya. Kita dengar lagu dululah kalau boleh kiranya.

Bukan peminat Aman AF 2014 sejujurnya. Tapi lagu ciptaan Awi Rafael yang ini punya maksud mendalam, yang buat aku teringat-ingat tentang seperkara dan seseorang. Ironik betul. Heh. Esok lusa menulis lagi ya.

Salam petang Khamis. Semoga hari anda sentiasa ceria. Jaga diri.
Assalamualaikum.



AMAN - WITHOUT YOU
Kredit lirik kepada SITE KISAH SI GADIS PINK

Indah indahnya hatimu
Lembut namamu membuat aku
Tenang atas jalan terang

Mudah mudahnya caramu
Membuka pintu hati aku'
Kau bukankan semua nyata

Jangan jangan pernah pergi
Kau lontarkan kembali
Ku kan tetap mencari
Untuk membalas baikmu
Untuk menjaga dirimu

Without You . . Aku hilang keliru
Without You . . Aku diam membisu
Siapalah diriku
Yang berdiri tanpamu

Hilang hilang dalam diri
Kota hatimu
Dinilai sepi
Malam mu nantikan hari ku


10 Dis 2014

If A Writer Falls In Love With You, You Can Never Die

Disember 10, 2014 1 Comments
Assalamualaikum.

A very cold day in Malacca. It's been raining since yesterday. I bet I'm going to sleep tight tonight. Hey! Remember the entry that I wrote a few days back? An entry about fantasy?


How I express my wish and my fantasy to have my future other half who loves to write. And guess what? As I'm browsing through my Instagram today, I saw this picture posted from rumah_adiwarna's IG account. Ouch! Exactly like what I said, I guess someone out there has this kind of wish too.


"IF A WRITER FALLS IN LOVE WITH YOU, YOU CAN NEVER DIE"
- Mik Everett -

Seperti Usman Awang menulis Mayawati.
Seperti Chairil Anwar menulis untuk Sri.
Seperti Virginia menulis untuk Leonard Woolf.

It's not that it means that you will never die, for real. Literally it means, when someone wrote about you lovingly, the piece he / she has written will always remain and pass through generation, it will become memory, and memory will always live on.

Good night people. Assalamualaikum.


8 Dis 2014

The Past And Paranoid

Disember 08, 2014 0 Comments
Assalamualaikum.

It's Sunday. Feeling relieved. Let me start counting first. Ouh, it's been 4 days. Cut the story short, I never went back to my hometown according to what I've planned previously. Reason being is I'm feeling quite embarrass about the situation I am now. So, nothing I can do, I need to be home alone for a week.

But, I was lucky because my sister came back today, no more home alone! Yippie!


Tahu tak macam mana leganya perasaan itu bila mana kita tak perlu dah hidup ketakutan duduk keseorangan dalam rumah? Hmm. Ya betul, aku memang paranoid nombor satu. Bukan penakut tapi lebih pada paranoid. Eh, tak sama eh? Tidur selama 4 malam keseorangan dalam sebuah rumah, ingat boleh tidur nyenyak ke? Ayam tidur lagi nyenyak dari aku tidur. Kejap-kejap terjaga, sebab dengar macam-macam bunyi. Yang hairannya, bila dalam rumah ramai orang, tak ada pula nak dengar bunyi-bunyi pelik.

Inilah namanya kuasa minda. Kuasa minda sebenarnya memang sangat kuat mempengaruhi kita dan kalau kita tak boleh nak kawal dia, maka jadilah macam aku. Heh. Masa aku kecil, dalam umur 8 ke 9 tahun, rumah aku pernah kena pecah masuk. Walaupun ketika itu kami tiada di rumah. Masa kecil aku memang berani. Aku siap keluar lagi tengok pintu yang kena umpil, tapak kaki pencuri dekat belakang rumah dengan selipar dia yang tertinggal.

Masa zaman U lagilah, bila dengar cerita rumah kawan-kawan kena rompak, kena ragut, makin hari makin kuat rasa tak selamat aku pada keliling aku.


Bila duduk seorang diri, aku akan tarik semua kerus meja dan sendalkan pada pintu. Pintu bilik pula aku pastikan aku pasang engsel. Dekat rumah sewa aku, boleh tengok cuma pintu bilik aku saja ada 3 engsel. Dua dari dalam dan satu dari luar. Phew!! Kadang rimas dengan diri sendiri.

Macam sekarang, bila kena duduk rumah seorang diri, aku ikat tali pintu rumah aku. Konon nak buat gaya macam Home Alone, setting trap and all. Well, apa salahnya kan. Aku akan tidur dengan "senjata" diletakkan di tepi katil. Dan bila terdengar saja bunyi pelik, aku akan bawa "senjata" dan pusing keliling rumah. Serious rasa macam orang tak betul dengan perasaan paranoid ini. Tapi dengan keadaan dunia sekarang, nak tak nak kenalah berhati-hati.


Jujurnya aku tak ramai kawan rapat, yang ada mungkin cuma 2, 3 orang saja. Itu pun masing-masing dah kahwin dan duduk jauh. Maklumlah orang kerap berpindah randah, tak merasa nak kenal seseorang lama sangat. Peluang yang ada, cuma masa zaman U sajalah. Kadang-kadang bila duduk seorang diri, nak juga panggil kawan-kawan sleepover, tapi siapalah kawan-kawan yang ada. Heh. And sometime, I do hope there is a man that I can rely on, but I guess there is none at this time, so it's okay, life must go on.

I don't want to be a "lonesome". Living alone is scary, and I don't think I can do it. Hmm. I guess tonight I could sleep well. Haha. Till here, good night.

Assalamualaikum.

3 Dis 2014

Love Me Tender

Disember 03, 2014
Assalamualaikum.

It's 5 in the morning. And it's raining outside. Feels so cold. Well, not just outside, but in the "inside" too. Literally, if you know what I mean. While waiting for the Subuh prayer, I might as well write something in my precious blog.

This cold weather kind of reminds me about someone and about a song. Have you heard of the song Love Me Tender from Elvis Presley? Well, truth be told, I never ever, even once, listen to any of Elvis Presley's song. I do listen to classics, like Neil Sedaka - You Mean Everything To Me, Righteous Brothers - Unchained Melody and etc. But Elvis, not really.

Well, back to the story, I have never encounter any situation, not since my matriculation days, where I got people telling me that since they knew me they have been listening to that one particular song. It's like a song specially dedicated to that moment or person. Love Me Tender, that was the song. I listen to that a few times, well I sure get a mix feeling  after I listen to that. It will be a lie if I said that I'm not touched. But, it is just too complicated to describe with words.

And this song strike my mind. It's one of my favorite Korean ballad song from Noel - Things That I Couldn't Say. There are a few lines of the lyrics that kinda remind me of what I wrote back to that person that day. You knew all about me through my blog, but I never know anything about you. I never get an answer even when I asked. So where is all the point of getting to know each other. Right? I know it sounded too cruel but I just never know how to react. Hmm. I'm bad huh? Maybe the person will not be reading this, but wherever that person is, I hope happiness will always accompany him. 

Good day people. Have a great Wednesday. Take care. Assalamualaikum.



"Meet someone good and smile.
Live, as you receive even more love.
Forget about how I couldn't treat you well and my pitiful memories.
The memories of the hard days, memories of the happy days.
Thank you and I’m sorry."

HEART SPEAKS : I guess I could dedicate this song to myself too. Find someone good, and be happy. Hmm. I guess it is.

2 Dis 2014

Kaki Instagram

Disember 02, 2014 0 Comments
Assalamualaikum.

Sedar tak sedar dah 2 Disember. 2014 pun dah nak berakhir, 2015 pun akan menyapa tak lama lagi. Tahun yang tak berapa produktif tapi tetap bersyukur, semua yang jadi pasti ada sesuatu yang baik untuk kita. Sebab Allah lebih tahu apa yang terbaik untuk kita walaupun kita rasa tidak.

Lusa dah nak pulang ke Kampung Makam. Balik kampung sekejap jenguk atuk nenek dan saudara mara, kebetulan ada kenduri kahwin sepupu mak, jadi baliklah sekejap untuk 3, 4 hari. Aku memang selalu liat sikit kalau nak balik Johor, sebab nanti macam biasalah akan dapat macam-macam soalan bonus. Tapi sekarang, dah terbiasa dan lali. Layankanlah saja Labu. 


Well, another trip, another chance to shoot and shoot and shoot, filling my Instagram with tons of pictures. Aku kaki instagram sebenarnya. Tapi aku bukan kaki selfie. Cuma aku suka sangat ambil gambar. Bukan fotografer, cuma tukang snap yang merapu. Itu pun pakai handphone cikai saja. Dan aku suka jenguk Instagram yang ada gambar-gambar cantik, travel sana sini dan juga yang penuh dengan quote yang menarik untuk dibaca.

Instagram after all is not all about selfie. But there are a lot more to it. Well, if you carry it well, than it is like an identity of you, a platform for you to express yourself. Well, at least that's what I think it is.


InsyaALLAH, bila hidup dah stabil nanti, aku pun nak mula travel sana sini. Paling tidak pun satu tahun, satu negara. Staying in foreign countries for a month or two will be great ayte? And then I'll fill up my Instagram with all the experience of my journey. Nanti-nanti, anak cucu cicit piut miut semua boleh tengok sekali. Haha.

Well then, till here. Will write more later. Take care. Assalamualaikum.


P/S : Bila dah jenguk INSTAGRAM CAHAYA YANG RIANG GEMBIRA, jangan lupa menyapa. It will be great to make more friends through Instagram.
^^


Fantasi

Disember 02, 2014 2 Comments
Assalamualaikum.

Menulis lagi. Bilalah agaknya keserabutan nak terlerai. Makin serabut nanti makin banyaklah menulis dan merapu merepek. Haha. Pernah tak tengok drama Korea? Kadang-kadang kita selalu tengok dialog tak kisahlah perempuan atau lelaki, mereka akan cerita tentang "what kind of romance or fantasy that you wish to have with your partner / or to wish your partner have or posses?" Selalu kan tengok mereka cakap pasal topik ini.

Aku sendiri pun ada fantasi untuk kisah cinta aku. When that happen of course, only I don't know when. Only HE knows. Dari zaman sekolah lagi aku dah impikan bila dah besar nanti, aku nakkan pasangan yang seperti sekian sekian. Pasangan yang macam mana?

Kalau anda-anda semua baca blog aku dari zaman awal sampai sekarang, boleh tahu macam mana orang kenal aku dengan 2 ciri utama. Pertama, entry yang panjang meleret. Kedua, entry yang jiwang leleh. That's my trademark actually. Aku suka sangat menulis. Amat sangat. Even SMS pun aku suka tulis panjang-panjang, sebab itu aku sakit hati bila aku tulis panjang-panjang, orang balas sikit punya pendek. Haha. Buruk kan perangai aku. Haha.


Aku suka buku. Aku suka membaca. Aku suka menulis. Dan itu salah satu yang aku harapkan ada pada si dia pelengkap hidup aku. I even dream of getting propose through writing, a letter or perhaps an entry in a blog or whatever method that can be use to express a feeling. Then, when we enter our married life, I really hope that I could get a love letter, lets say once in a month, is it possible? Or I'm just too childish to dream of that kind of thing? Haha.

I'm easily "attracted", "caught", "attack", "melted" through writing rather than speaking. That's why my blogger friends who had met me said that I write more than I talk. It's not that I'm not into talking, it's just that I love writing more. And I think my fantasy of a romantic husband who write a love letter even when we are old will give more color to our married life. Don't you think so? 

Well, cuma boleh bermimpi dan berangan sajalah sekarang. Belum masa lagi nak merasa dan melaluinya, mungkin satu hari nanti. Till then, let me dream some more okay. Selamat malam. Take care people. Assalamualaikum.


HEART SPEAKS : That's why I love to read the story about the red apple again and again, although it doesn't carry any special meaning at all. Huhu.