29 Ogo 2017

Assalamualaikum.

It's been a while I guess. Busy months, perhaps not just last month and this month, the rest of the months I bet. Even though it's tiring, physically and mentally, but I'm happy to learn so much, going to many places, getting to know many people.

This event happened a few days back, started on Friday till Saturday to be exact. I had written a few piece on this in my previous post, where my research was accepted to be displayed in the Poster Display session for the International Forum on Quality and Safety in Healthcare organized by British Medical Journal (BMJ) and Institute for Healthcare Improvement (IHI). I am so honoured to be given this golden opportunity to display my research, although the research is not something big, but a small and meaningful step for me in this new path of life.


It was during these two days, that I learn a lesson that is so important, that woken me up from a deep slumber. I was 5 when my parent sent me to a Chinese kindergarten. It was not a difficult process to learn Chinese at that time as I was still a little kid. After 2 years, I stepped into primary school. At that time, there was only 2 Malay students in that whole Chinese school. I was one of them. It was during this period that I was trained to speak in front of people. To be on stage for so many competitions, that these things have been a part of me since I was 8 or 9. There are no stage fright for me, instead, I was craving to be on stage when it is not a competition season. Funny to think about that.

In primary school, I was active in Malay and Chinese public speaking. When I entered secondary school, my focus is more towards Malay public speaking and debate. Then I went to quite a number of poetry reciting competition. Everything stopped when I finished my secondary school.


I left everything behind when I further my study in PASUM. I still attend one or two competition, but the passion was no more there. I began to feel small about myself. The spark and enthusiasm to speak and to battle on stage were no more. I never knew why and I never bother to find out why. Hmm. And it passed through just like that and I became what I am.

Self confidence. The one thing that I lose at some point in my life and I never bother to pick it up. I thought it was okay to be withdrawn from society, community. It is okay to just be surrounded with a small group of familiar people. But, I am wrong. The one difference that I noted from myself was the way I speak. 

I used to speak with loud and clear voice, it become a nature after I participated in so many competitions. After "retiring" from the world of public speaking and debating, living in just my small world, I started to speak in a way lower tone of voice, I basically swallow my word and I always need to speak more than once as the listener can't seems to grasp my words. I am afraid to talk, yes, that is what I have become after so long period of losing self confidence. 


It was yesterday, Saturday, the last day of conference. My colleague who presented a poster too, registered herself for a session of poster presentation. Well, it is a voluntary session, where the participants who displayed their poster can register to present their research on a small stage. I was in awe with her action, impressed I should say. She got so much of confidence to stand in front, to talk loudly in front of strangers, throw out her opinion. When I looked at her, it totally reminded me of myself more than 10 years ago.

The Malay girl, who is confident on competition stage, who loves to be on stage, who speak so loud and clear and believe in herself. It brought me to tears. I miss my old self.

T_T


Thank you to the beautiful soul who woke me up, to the colleague who reminds me again and again, that I can do it. I just need to go for it and do it. Never hesitate. Just speak. Just talk. Don't be afraid to make mistakes as from mistakes that we learn to be better. 

Thank you for bringing back to me the memory of my little old self, the one who never backed down and stand still bravely in front of so many strangers. I want to be that little girl again. The one that is full of self confidence.

Although it may takes time, but I am grateful for every opportunity that Allah has given to me, cause I believer every opportunity is one step towards myself to become a better and confidence person.

I can do it. You can do it too if you aim for it. We can do it, In shaa Allah. Lets go for it. Chaiyok!!! Good night people. Assalamualaikum.


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